It’s heartbreaking when your earthly father resembles the devil more than he resembles our Heavenly Father. I’m not talking about someone that is human and is overall a good person but tends to make mistakes. I’m talking about someone that acts in demoralizing ways in order to belittle others. I’m talking about someone who consciously, repeatedly and habitually does and says destructive things to hurt other members in the family.
The earthly father is aware of his shortcomings, the lies he tells, his hurtful tendencies, his personality flaws, destructible temper, volatile behavior, mean spirited actions and still CHOOSES to continue to hurt and belittle the ones he supposedly loves. Unfortunately his view is: it’s his world- his family just seems to exist in it. The decision to consciously choose to speak and act in a way that is demeaning, full of negativity, hyper-critical, hurtful, destructible is just that-a choice to choose the devil over God. The fact that there is no positivity in this person’s life, never looking for positive in anything….it’s very draining to be around such a person. However it also is a reflection of the devils work not God’s. The selfish ways of the earthly father are polar opposite of what God our Father wants us to experience.
Many questions become raised such as…How is it possible to be full of so much negativity that one can not see the good in anything? How dark can you possibly feel that criticizing and breaking others down makes you feel better? Where is God our Heavenly Father during this destructive behavior? Why does He allow us to experience a home that feels so unsafe? Shouldn’t we feel bad for the vicious one since he’s so miserable? Who are we to judge others, isn’t that God’s department? If one is aware of the suffering he causes why wouldn’t he want to better himself? Why wouldn’t God change him? Especially after years of prayer, why hasn’t God evolved him? What would cause one to behave in such a way?
Well, the answers to those questions for the most part, remain a mystery. God has given us free will to make our own choices. We can’t necessarily blame Him for not intervening. But the only answer that appears to be available is that we are not home, we’re on our journey home. So until we reach the gates of Heaven we will be faced with challenges, sacrifices, problems, pain and sufferings that we can only experience on earth. Yes, when God opens the gates of Heaven, it will be more meaningful and appreciated. As stated in the Bible, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18) Only God knows why He hasn’t answered those prayers. It may be to draw us closer to Him as we ask for healing and hope. It is painful to live in such angst daily. Walking on eggshells is no way to live, there is no safe haven. But once we reach Heaven we will experience a peace that we can never imagine.
There is a lesson that God is trying to teach us, even expand our growth as individuals-but what is it? The family unit is important but how is the unit supposed to survive let alone thrive when there is such emotional pain caused by the corrupt one? Why hasn’t God changed this person’s evil tendencies? Why would God continue to expose the family to such hatred, anger, selfishness which results in the other members suffering from anxiety, stress, emotional pain, anger, resentment, fear which are a direct consequences due to the behavior of the abuser? “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22) All the negative affects from the exposure to this toxic person wears others down where they too become stripped of their optimism and positive attitudes. It truly takes a tole on those who are living with this behavior.
Some people are so egotistical that they refuse to change even with several interventions from God. Learning to accept that people don’t want to better themselves, instead they’d rather live in their own personal hell, is frustrating. When God has given you the opportunity to change your ways and you dismiss the opportunities and choose to carry on with the harmful actions, then that is a rejection of God. “Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.” (Proverbs 10:17)
Praying to God does help in order to survive the moments but the long term affects are still to be determined. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) The ongoing struggles are constant. Not knowing when the next blow up will come, how destructible will this tantrum be, how long will it last, who will he hurt this time? The struggles are real, the suffering is real, the misery is real.
The only way that some can make sense of these ongoing situations is to believe that we’re living through our purgatory now. “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:17)
This is a cross that too many are forced to bear on a daily basis and for some their circumstances are far worse. My heart pours out to those who are suffering in silence. It’s not easy to speak up in fear of what the retaliation may be for speaking up.”But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” (1 Peter 3:14) There is freedom in speaking about a silent matter. Attempting to break free from the fear, the shame, the disgrace. You’re not alone, God has a special place for all those who are living with emotional, physical and mental anguish. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)
A Bible verse to reflect on, even if we don’t understand the whys, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) The future that God has in mind for us doesn’t necessarily mean it’s our future on earth that will prosper us but our future with Him in Heaven.